We all know, too well perhaps, the same words spoken in different ways can say very different things. For example take the question, “Honey, can you come here?!” and put it to different tones of voice. Or place varying emphasis on different words. You can make it sexy, scolding, a plea for help, or anything in between. Anything you want really.
Think of the myriad of things you say to your significant other in the run of a week, and the variety of ways those things are said. What drives the content, quality and therefore effectiveness of these interactions is not only in the words you use but in HOW you say them.
In fact, some experts say that as little as 5% of what we mean is in the actual words we use. This explains the often falling short of text messaging and email. It also explains what we mean when we say, “I got yelled at” when no one was shouting at all.
If the manner in which we say something counts for so much in a single exchange, think of the accumulative effect of all you say to your partner over the years. It is this accumulation that drives how you feel about each other and seeds the atmosphere between you with all things gracious, needy, or greedy or anything in between. Anything you want really.
