We always present couples preparing for marriage with a challenge. It’s a challenge we received in our pre-marriage coaching that we decided to take, and it’s this: no PJ’s, no TV, for a year!
The couple always laughs, and then they sit there a little puzzled while the implications sink in. We smile and nod, that’s right, “No PJ’s, no TV, for a year.” The looks on their faces often betray their thoughts, “But we’ve always worn pj’s and we’ve always watched TV!”
To live a year without these should not be seen as an impossible challenge but as an offering of love – simple, yet profound. It gives back to your spouse things that you have kept exclusively to yourself.
Take off the PJ’s: The practice of regular, routine nakedness offers “you” consistently to your mate. Not in an overt way, but in a way that lets them know that you are there for them, waiting for them, and available to them. It’s a wonderful gift, particularly from the girl to the guy – something that is covered and secret to the rest of the world is made accessible just for him.
Turn off the TV: It’s not so different an offering, is it? The habit of uninterrupted time and space also unveils you for your spouse from a cloak that can keep them at arms length from experiencing you in a greater way. Without TV there remains the much needed alternative, especially in early marriage, of talking and getting to know each other. It’s a wonderful gift, particularly from the guy to the girl – a private connection with each other that is made accessible just for her.
Newlyweds, if this is you, I hope you consider our advice here. Take the opportunity to break long-held patterns of single living in order to create new ones better adapted for couplehood.
In the case of those of us who have been married a longer time, realize we have this same pattern-breaking ability and potential. We also can reform our habits and routines to be more conducive to establishing intimacy in the middle of our everyday lives.
So, newlyweds or established couple, here’s the challenge for you today: turn it off and take it off, for a year.
We dare you. We’ve never looked back.
A nice new twist on Deuteronomy 24:5 5
“When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.”
BTW, I am told by those who know Hebrew, that the word “happiness” there has a sexual connotation
Yes, I believe one version says, “…to learn how to please his wife…” and the sexual connotation is implied.
Thanks, now we have scripture and verse for our challenge to couples! R+M
It’s an interesting idea…we’ve done the first one, and the second is something we’re only just starting to do, almost a year later, having become frustrated with the conversation death that accompanies nightly t.v. watching.
We still watch t.v. but make sure we get non-t.v. time together a few nights a week…we’re working on having one date night every week as well. It’s natural to just want to veg out on the couch after a long day, but it’s important to fight that. I never would have believed this before, but I am now convinced that watching t.v. together every night could become damaging to a relationship over time. As we’ve discovered, proximity doesn’t equal intimacy.
“Proximity doesn’t equal intimacy” << Well said! R+M
Very interesting idea! What a great way to encourage intimacy at the start of a marriage! It could be a great tool for encouraging intimacy at any point!
I would imagine that this could also bring important body image issues to the forefront. Hopefully in a positive and supportive environment where they could be dealt with together! All too often these are buried under layers of personal issues and they never get dealt with, although they can have a dramatic effect on a couple’s physical intimacy!
This is exactly what we hope will happen in an early marriage. It is a mystery to women that their husbands will love their bodies all through their marriage, but this strategy helps a woman learn to believe it. I, Mara, now rely on Rowan’s viewpoint regarding my body, even though I don’t understand it/still have body image issues myself! And even though I may forever have body image issues, that doesn’t hinder our physical intimacy as a result of said practice. Thanks for the comment!
My wife and I have been married 23 years and for most of the years we have slept naked. No it sees weird to wear pj,s. I can tell you for a fact it is the greatest feeling to have buns snuggle up to you.
Try it and i will promise you will not be disipointed.
Tv is also a sex killer so watch it sparingly.