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Posts Tagged ‘acceptance’

“Get over it.” No one likes being told this. It’s best if you don’t hear this from your spouse; so, you can hear it here from us.

You undoubtedly have issues about the way your spouse handles some things. You have preferences that don’t get heeded, delegations that don’t get done, and ways you don’t see eye-to-eye. The list may be short or may be long. It may include things really important to you. We all have a list.

Although our lists differ greatly, one thing’s for sure: a list of what you don’t get, don’t have, and don’t get to do keeps you from seeing fully what you DO have and capitalizing on that. What you focus on grows in your awareness. And often times the beauty of the person and their company in our lives is missed because we focus on our list, and therefore not on their inherent value.

So, it’s time to get over it. Chuck the list. Or at least pick one thing this week that has really bugged you about him/her and make a choice to “get over it.”

So, they don’t enjoy the same shows or sports – get over it. So, they’re too picky about tidiness – get over it. So, they like strange music – get over it. So, she doesn’t cook like your mom – get over it. So, he leaves his socks on the floor – get over it!

Sure, there are deal-breakers in a relationship – but most of what we deal with isn’t more important by a very long shot, and we would simply do well to get over it.

Accept your spouse for who they are. Take a deep breath and let your preferences go. Let that expectation you’ve placed on him/her go. When you make a choice to focus on the value of what you have in front of you then your annoyances with them will pale in significance. The list of great things about your spouse and the myriad of ways they add quality to your life would grow, and that would be a good thing.

Pick one thing today, and get over it!

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Holding Hearts

Marriage is the arrangement where you give your heart to another person to care for. You’re holding his heart – he’s given it to you. You’re holding her heart – she’s trusted you with it. Hearts are given. This is why the expressions, “She broke my heart,” or, “He poured out his heart to me,” make so much sense to us and we know exactly what is meant by them.

This begs the question: How do you care for a heart?

First, you discover it. Deeply and intricately and without assumptions. Surface knowledge is not enough, it must be individualistic and you can’t read into what you find there. Just know it.

Second, you accept it. Not when it’s nice to you, that’s easy, but when it’s the hardest thing in the world to do – that’s when it has the greatest effect. Just love it.

Third, you put it first in your life. You go out of your way to give it what it desires and to see that it has full expression. You be what it needs and enable where it wants to go. Just serve it.

This begs the question: But what about my heart?

Well, marriage is the arrangement where you give your heart to another to care for. Just give it. Once you’ve made the arrangement to give your heart to another don’t manipulate or be motivated by fear and try to secure its needs. Just leave it. Focus instead on the heart that you’ve been entrusted with. Care for it like it was yours, for the heart you hold is the one that holds yours. Just trust it.

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In the mind of your woman is a dynamic that is important to understand. She is continually analyzing and interacting with her world using the question, “Am I Beautiful / Accepted?” That’s right, the issues of her own appearance and acceptance are on her mind, literally, all the time.

Quite unbelievable isn’t it? This beautiful, amazing princess you married questions her beauty and value all the time! But that is what is going on in her head. That’s her question. Very unlike yours, I know.

I can almost hear you thinking: “You don’t know my wife. She’s a truly beautiful, sexy and high self-esteem person and doesn’t have any insecurities about her appearance and acceptance. She can’t be thinking about it all the time.”

So, if she’s trying to come across that way, why would she admit that this post is true? (Unless she trusts you enough to admit it openly… In which case you have a woman who trusts you with her heart.)

But look how much sense this makes. This “question” that is constantly on her mind is why she reacts to your neglect to notice her new outfit or hairdo. It is also why sometimes (no, often!) she plays down your compliments and attention, but punishes you if you don’t give them.

So, to get in REALLY good with her, make her know that she is your princess, all day, every day. Tell her about how you love and cherish her beauty, and how valuable she is to you. Find ways to communicate your appreciation of who she is. Treasure her.

If this is hard to do because of issues currently between the two of you, look deeper. Quite likely, affirming your acceptance of her will actually help resolve the issues.

She needs you to answer her question. Do it generously, and do it often.

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